Selwyn now moves onto another pitfall regarding caring: caring when care is not needed. He says: ” … make sure that the people you try to help really need it, and are not just objects on whom you can try out your new ideas and skills. The desire you have to help others is good, but you must have disciplined desire. Desire is the driving force that moves us forward in life, but desire has to be controlled and directed by discipline. So be firm with yourself.”

We demonstrate maturity when we let God control our desires and we sacrifice our self-interests – the best way, I know of doing this, is through prayer  – consistent, persevering prayer – putting our desires into His hands – so that He can shape them into something useful.

Consequently, I think the prayer for today, is a good example, for all of us to follow: “My Lord and my God, direct my enthusiasm so that I can care for others in the most  (loving) productive and beneficial ways. Make me a disciplined carer. This I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

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Selwyn continues to look at the dangers associated with our relationship with others while we offering our assistance and care.

Today, he writes: “Caring, involves a high degree of closeness and intimacy. Talking about personal problems means revealing one’s attitudes, basic needs and deepest feelings. Be careful that you don’t start probing a person for information simply to satisfy your own curiosity. … The same Holy Spirit who motivates you to care can protect you from becoming over curious or voyeuristic. …

To be a genuine carer, commit yourself every day to the Holy Spirit’s control and protection.”

I think, the last sentence above, holds the key in regard to properly curbing our curiosity. Every day, before we start out  – we should take our proposed day’s activities to God, in prayer, asking for His help and guidance. In this way, we put our eyes firmly on Jesus; and, by doing so, this helps us to put our self-centred motives behind us. What’s your view?

Selwyn now moves on to look at some of the pitfalls and dangers to look out for, as we go about God’s business, of caring for people. Today, he discusses the danger of trying to manipulate those people we are attempting to help. He says; ‘that we must never try to control a person, or dominate them to the degree that they are not acting freely. To do so violates a person’s autonomy, and overlooks their status as a human being with free will, made in the image of God.‘

He concludes with: “The caring ministry is not a power struggle. You are not there to be obeyed, or to prove you are right. You are there to care.”

Selwyn makes good use of the verses set for reading and meditation, Mark 10:17-24 (NLT): “As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’”

“Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”

Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!” This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard (for those who trust in riches) to enter the Kingdom of God.”

Before I move onto Selwyn’s comments, I would like to draw your attention to a few other important points – notice that Jesus tells the young man – that only God is good; in comparison – the human race (since the fall) is NOT ‘good’. No one goes to heaven because they have been a ‘good’ person, as only God can be called good – all of us, fail to meet His standards – all of us, are destined for hell, unless we are saved by God. The second point I would like to draw your attention too, is, that the commandment – ‘honor your father and mother’, is still valid. It’s an aspect of our love for others. Yet, we don’t hear must about this commandment – in these ‘modern’ times.

Now, back to Selwyn’s views on these verses: “Jesus was undoubtedly impressed by this young man’s personality and character. … Notice, however, that Jesus – made no attempt to remonstrate with him, plead with him or denounce him for resisting His message. … ” He goes on to write about the young man’s freedom to accept or reject Jesus’ message – this takes us to the difficult subject of free will; not something that I’ll discuss today; except to say, that it’s clear that the Holy Spirit enables us to hear God’s message, without His intervention, we (everyone) remain spiritually deaf.

What’s your view?

I guess it’s a question of balance – we learn to love based on our own experiences of being loved. The only true teacher of love is Jesus, and we learn to love others based on the example He set – for how we are, to love each other.

The following verses from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, are often used, at some point, during weddings: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Yet, we are unable to love in this perfect way without the help of the Spirit of Jesus.

Selwyn introduces today’s study with these words: “Today we look at the sixth step: learn to receive love whenever it is offered to you.” He goes on to say: “… All of us, deep down, long to be loved, to be protected, to be cared for; but to experience such love, or to express it in return, can be threatening. When people get to know us intimately, they will get to know our weaknesses, and we feel they may reject us because of those weaknesses; so to protect ourselves from possible rejection, we maintain our distance and subtly push other people away … .”

I feel that this is an important observation: if we find it hard to let ourselves be vulnerable – to let others come close enough to know our weaknesses and strengths, and to love us. Then how can we let God come close to us, our Father who knows everything about us? How could we trust God’s love enough, to lead us safely home?

The verses set for reading and meditation brings together the various thoughts about love. The bits I’ve highlighted are worth a lot of meditation. The most important fact is: that God is love and that He first loved us, while we were still in rebellion against Him.

1 John 4:7-19 (NLT): “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.”

In summary, if God lives in us, we should have no fear of receiving love from others – it is then, a ‘natural’ thing for us to accept - what do you think?

Today, Selwyn makes the good point that we should be gentle with ourselves, whenever we fail or make mistakes (we are not talking about sin but errors of judgment).

He goes on to say: “In a healthy personality … a person who makes a mistake will react in a self-forgiving way … they will feel some disappointment, but they will not be devastated by their slip; they will feel shaken but not shattered. Those who are overwhelmed by their mistakes are responding in ways that do not come from God, but from their past experiences and relationships. We know God has forgiven all our sins, so we certainly shouldn’t punish ourselves for our own errors.”

I like the verses set for reading and meditation, especially these: 1 John 3:16-24 (NLT): “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.

Dear friends, if we don’t feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence. And we will receive from him whatever we ask because we obey him and do the things that please him.

 And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us. Those who obey God’s commandments remain in fellowship with him, and he with them. And we know he lives in us because the Spirit he gave us lives in us.”

I think the main point for me is this – we, who are in fellowship with Jesus, and try with all our strength to obey His commandments; will share in His peace. Consequently, we can live in peace with each other and also, with the frailty of our-selves. Do you agree?

Selwyn provides an interesting insight into Philippians 4:13; when he uses a translation for this verse from ’The Living Bible’: “I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.”

The ‘New Living Translation’, puts the same verse (I’ve included the surrounding verses Phil 4:10-14,  to provide context) as follows: “How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.”

We know that all of God’s work that He wants us to be involved in, has been planned; He will never give us more than what we can handle, He will not allocate us work that we are not qualified to do – we can trust in His perfect judgment – because He loves us.

I like the way Selwyn explains this point: “We need to understand that God has a circle, so to speak, for each one of us, in which we can best function for Him. If we stay inside that circle we can achieve what I call ‘maximum effectiveness with minimum weariness’. Outside that circle, however, we will suffer too much weariness, with too little effectiveness.”

Any comments?

At important events in His life – jesus dismissed the crowds, and the apostles; and, went to a quiet place to pray – to be alone with God.

(Matthew 6: 5-8, NLT): “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

“When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!”

To be alone with God gives us the opportunity to share our secret and special thoughts with Jesus; of greater importance, it gives us a time when we are free of all other distractions – a time, when we can be still in front of God, sitting at His feet – as His child, and listen for His voice – to give us the words of eternal life.

In summary, we serve others best by taking time out with God, in prayer - ‘the people who need us will still be there – and when we are refreshed (by God’s Spirit) we will be better able to help them’. What’s your view?